i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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