There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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