You can't special order awesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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