So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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