I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
