OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
