Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
