we're chasing vodka with high fives
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
