Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
