k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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