i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
