so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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