weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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