At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
