Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
