i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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