Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
