can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
