Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
