I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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