I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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