u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
