Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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