my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
