The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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