Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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