you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
