her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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