Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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