New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
