So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
