i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
