My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
where are my eyebrows?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
