I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
