Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
