the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
