we're chasing vodka with high fives
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
