Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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