Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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