Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
