apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
