The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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