I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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