Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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