Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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