Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
