So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
