gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
