after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
