I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
