Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
