These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
